Just For Parents

The following articles are articles I found that are helpful articles in rasing your teenager.

 

Let's face it: One of the most common complaints in families is over the issue of time. Somebody is "always late," and somebody else is "always rushing" us.

The problem isn't that people are different. We tend to accept differences in other areas of life much more readily. One person likes broccoli; another person prefers carrots. That's why there are cafeterias! One person listens to rock; another listens to country. One watches ER; another watches PBS nature shows. And on and on. But conflicts over time seem to take on a more personal character than simple preferences. We get mad!

When people "make us late" or "rush us," we feel violated. Our goals have been blocked by that person, and we get upset. It then is more than a quirk of personality or preference, it's war! Then, instead of talking about it and finding common ground, we engage in overt and covert attacks. Sometimes we express our anger openly, but more often we are passive-aggressive: If we know being late upsets someone, we drag along just a little longer to really get him upset! And if someone is always slower than we are, we stalk the room, making sure that person can see us looking at our watch. And we sigh.

One of the interesting things about family life is that opposites attract. In many families, one parent is precisely punctual and the other is, well, not compulsively driven by a schedule. And often siblings in a family are just as different as their parents, split evenly down the middle of time-consciousness. What can we do about this? Here are some principles that might help:

Differences don't have to alienate. They can spice up a relationship and bring people together.

Talk

Discuss your view of time, including why you see punctuality or freedom the way you do, and how you feel uncomfortable when you're late or when you're rushed. Be sure to listen and affirm the differences.

Ways of Communication to a Teenager

How Teenagers Make Decisions

Puberty is a time of rapid change that transforms children into adolescents. The outward physical aspects are obvious, but the most dramatic changes aren’t directly visible. These changes take place in the brain. They are responsible for those behaviors and attitudes most associated with teenagers. During this time, adolescents begin to transition from concrete thinking into abstract thinking. Yet, teens still have difficulty with logical and mature decision-making. This can be frustrating for parents and youth workers, but there are several developmental reasons for this behavior.

Teenagers’ brains are still under construction.
If we think of the brain as a computer, we can compare its development to receiving multiple software upgrades. As these “upgrades” are added, new possibilities unfold, but it takes time to learn the new “programs.” This is why younger teenagers typically think faster than they can speak.

Logical decision-making takes practice.
As teenagers gain more knowledge about the world, they are able to reason more logically. Think of it as the difference between knowledge and wisdom. A person may gain a wealth of information and be knowledgeable about a variety of topics. But, to be considered truly wise, that person needs experience using that knowledge in the context of real life.

Younger teens often process information with the emotional centers of their brains.
Recent research using MRI technology has revealed that teens often respond to information with emotion instead of reason. This is especially true when they are attempting to decipher the emotions and attitudes of others.

Teenagers have a desire to please their peers.
Just because teenagers have the ability to make logical decisions doesn’t mean they actually will. Sometimes the overpowering need for friendships and acceptance overrides that little voice in teenagers’ heads telling them what they should do in a given situation.

Younger teens are still egocentric in their thinking.
Older teens have a heightened sense of self-consciousness due to their ability to actually analyze their own thoughts and behaviors. Children aren’t concerned with what others think about them, but adolescents perform life as if the rest of the world is their audience. This misguided belief that everyone is interested in them can lead adolescents to attention-getting behaviors that seem to defy logic.

Understanding what is going on inside teenagers’ brains will help you be patient with them as they grow. 

    

Preparing Your Teen for Life After Graduation

What will your teenager do when he leaves the security of your home and faces the real world of college, employment, or who knows what else? The Bible spells out some important things that all believers (including those of the adolescent variety) should do. It's not a matter of salvation since our salvation is based on faith, but it is a matter of obedience and reflecting Jesus to a lost world.

You can encourage your teenager to minister to those around him or her through more than just what he or she knows and who he or she is. Teens can introduce the world to Jesus through what they do as well. Here are some things you can teach your teenager to do that will help him or her face the great beyond with courage and confidence.

1. Teach Your Teenager to Study the Bible.
If your teen is a believer and has been active in his or her youth group, your encouragement that he or she spend time in God's Word will come as no surprise. However, as teens approach graduation (at what seems like the speed of light), make sure they understand that the Bible provides the guidance they need to face the world's challenges. If your teen isn't sure where to start, help him or her work through Psalm 119, where God reveals that His Word:

Written by Bob Bun

2. Teach Your Teenager How to Defend His Faith.
By studying the Bible, your teenager will come to know why he or she believes what he or she believes. Let's face it, today's teens confront a tremendous array of challenges to their faith. Most of them live in a hostile spiritual environment in high school and it won't get any better down the road. Jesus told His followers to be salt and light to the world (Matt. 5:13-16), while Peter encouraged believers to provide answers for the world's challenges (1 Pet. 3:15). To do that, your teenager needs to know how to evaluate the message of the culture,compare it to the truth of scripture, and live out the truth each day (Phil.4:8).

3. Teach Your Teenager How to Be a Missionary.
No, we're not talking about moving to darkest Africa or spending years in the Amazon jungles. It's much simpler than that. As your teenager moves into a new to a new mission field. It might be a college campus, a Marine barracks, or a cubicle near the bottom of the corporate ladder. Whatever the situation, teach your teenager to reach out to his "neighbors," following the example of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) and building relationships like Jesus did with the woman at the well (John 4:l-42). The key is for him or her to live out his or her faith everyday and to grow where God plants him or her.

4. Teach Your Teenager How to Keep the Peace.
Unfortunately, conflict is a reality of life. To a certain degree, you may have been able to protect your teen while he or she lived under your roof, but those days are drawing to a rapid conclusion. Even Jesus faced conflict (Luke 4:16-30; John 8:30-59; 10:31-32), so your teenager will as well. Since teens can't avoid conflict, teach them how to resolve it from a biblical perspective.The Bible encourages Christians to do all they can to live peacefully with others (Rom.12:17-19; Eph.4:25-29) and to serve as a peacemaker whenever possible (Matt. 5:9; Rom. 14:19). Teach your teens how to see others through Jesus' eyes and how to let His peace rule their lives. When he knows how to respond to conflict with a calm spirit, he has the ability to douse a lot of fires (Prov. 15:l).

5. Teach Your Teenager to Develop a Servant's Heart.
It's likely your teenager understands that the goal of the Christian life is to become more like Jesus. What she may not grasp is that Jesus provides history's greatest model of servanthood (Phil. 2:l-11). Servanthood also revolves around evangelism and opens doors for the gospel. Paul said he would accept any role if it brought others to Jesus (1 Cor. 9:19-22). When your teen serves others, she points them to Jesus - the Source of their servanthood. She also embraces the promise that God never overlooks even the smallest act of sacrificial giving (Matt. 10:42).

6. Teach Your Teenager to Manage His Money.
Your teenager may not associate money with spiritual matters, but God does. The writer of Ecclesiastes said those who chase money never find satisfaction (Eccl. 5:10), and Paul taught that loving money more than God leads to all kinds of trouble (1 Tim. 6:10). Your teenager needs to understand that money isn't wrong in itself; it's a necessary part of our lives. But God demands that we be faithful in acknowledging His provision for all our needs (Phil. 4:10-14,17-20) and in giving back as He directs (2 Cor. 9:6-7; Jas. 2:15-17).

7. Teach Him How to Balance His Act.
The world may never be dazzled by your teen's ability to juggle his schedule, but God still calls him to keep his life in balance. Encourage your teenager to live out his faith. Cover him or her with prayer at every turn, and then watch as God does amazing things. With all the challenges he will face in the days to come, priorities are essential. Teach your teenager how to set prioritiesand manage them well. (Remember, the best way to do this is to set a good example yourself.)

Daniel made sure God was his top priority (Dan. 1:8-21). Along with the good example you set, Daniel offers a role model for your teenager. He also needs to remember to take care of his body since it belongs to God. In 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20, Paul commanded his readers to avoid misusing their bodies in terms of sex, but the principle of God's ownership also applies to other areas of taking care of His temple. Remind your teen to seek God's wisdom (Jas.1:5) when things get hectic.

After your teenagers leave home, you really can't control what they do on a daily basis. But you can teach them what they need to know for living life God's way; and you can provide a legacy of strong spiritual support. You also can cover them with prayer at every turn. Encourage your teenagers to live out their faith. Then watch as God does some amazing things through them.

Secrets of Successful Family Meetings

Written by Jackie Diel
Adapted from an article in Living With Teenagers magazine

The standard teenage reaction to a called family meeting is, "Oh no, what have I done now?" If you want to change that lower-the-boom perception (and we guarantee your teen would appreciate that), follow these simple guidelines.

Set Up

Keep your teen actively involved

Speak Up
It's important to give everyone an opportunity to voice an opinion, even though opinions may differ. However, certain communication rules should be followed:

Teach your teen how to attack the problem, rather than another family member. Also communicate to your teen that if she does not speak up, even when she disagrees, her silence acts as approval.

As your teen approaches adulthood, this teaches her the importance of taking a personal stand for what she believes is right. This will foster healthy boundary setting and will help her communicate her values and standards.

Follow Up

Psalm 145:4 tells us, One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts. How exciting to know your commitment to excellence for your family will be passed on to future generations.

Conflict Resolution Checklist

Print out and magnetize this "Resolution Checklist" on your refrigerator to continually remind family members of the secrets of conflict resolution.

Virtually any conflict can be resolved if you:

From LifeLists: Tips, steps, hints, and how-tos for growing up, getting along, learning, and having fun by Pamela Espeland (Free Spirit Publishing, 2003), 81-82.